Breadman vs. Bateman

The Bateman and Breadman were on the run, after Blooperman's death, they had been ordered to be executed by prison bondage in the showers. Bateman had taken Satchel Paws and revealed Sandy was Breadman, and now they were wanted by the GCPD. A kid named Anon stared at them speechlessly, before quietly leaving the entire building just in case.




The Bateman, muscle strong fat Frank Miller Batman, stomped into the school wielding a knife, strangling an armlocked and shrieking Satchel Paws, his slabs of solid fat jiggling as he moved slowly down the halls, looking down at people and scowling. He entered a class room where kids were staring at them, screaming. The Breadman humbly followed him.

"And what are we doing here, young Master Bruce?" The Breadman asked, "Listen, I can't fight anymore. I can't do this. Please, you remember everything. I couldn't save them, your parents. It was my fault. Kill me."

"I am not giving up." The elderly Bateman said, flipping his cape back. "I'm Batman."

"NOW, Breadman. I have a bomb. If you do as I say then I'll not blow it up killing everyone here. All my life the government has been watching me, they know who I am that's why I have to have another, just in case they kill me. I am going to take control of everything so that they stop watching me the eyes at night are watching me. They're all after me. Now that Blooperman and Joker are dead, I can take over the world ensure there is no crime kill all evil and protect things. I am going to do what I can to fix Gotham City, and nothing will stop me." Bruce ranted scowling, spittle flying from his mouth.

"Leave me alone.... I just want a normal life. Please, leave me alone Bruce Wayne. Please don't force this."

"Then I am going to kill you." Bateman said snapping Satchel Paws neck.

Breadman was shocked. "No. My god on earth what is wrong with you?"

He had just killed an innocent woman, who had nothing, at all to do with this.

He decided to make their final battle here. For a long time they had fought. While Breadman wanted to live a normal bread life as the Sandwich, Bateman forced him to continually fight as Breadman. He had to be killed, he had copied him, and then had a psychotic break during the time Breadman had retired.

"I'm going to take you on, Bateman." He said crying. Why had the boy he had protected done this? Why?


"BRING IT, Harley Quinn."

Bateman dropped Satchel out of his grasp, and stood there hunched over, his weight jiggling, brandishing the knife. He lunged for the Breadman, who stood far below, and missed by about six feet, tripping and falling onto his face. He stood back up as the Breadman glided away riding his wife made out of lettuce that served as his glider around the room. Bateman picked up a kid and roared at her.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHH FUCK YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!"

He threw her at Breadman, knocking him down. Breadman climbed under the desk to escape.

Bateman then jumped into the air smashing through the desk with both hands.

"You DIE!"

The Sandwich had ran out of the room as fast as he could. The Bateman charged after him smashing through the doorway.

"I AM GOING TO TEAR YOU APART!"

Breadman's glider was ripped apart, and he was forced to run away through the halls. Bruce had pulled a gun and was firing at him. He turned to throw a tomato bomb causing Bateman to slip briefly. Bateman roared and smashed a wall with his fist and kept on charging. He fired into a woman who had been packing things, and leapt forwards trying to catch up, his feet smashing into the ground casting chunks into the air.

Breadman threw a grapple around a locker door and popped it open smashing into Bateman's face as he lunged closer, stunning him. Breadman turned a corner and ran down some stairs. The Bateman came to them and jumped down directly in front of the Sandwich and fired a blast at him with the handgun tearing off Breadman's cape and blowing him into a vent.

The vent wheezed and it became extremely dark as he was sucked through into a cafeteria room where people were pouring out screaming. Bateman had blown up half the school, and the fire alarm had went off.

Bateman smashed through a window gliding inside, after Breadman had rested for a minute.

"Bruce. Listen, I spent years protecting this city. Everything is fine. There is no need for you to kill people."

"Please bitch, I'm BATEMAN." Bateman said, lurching towards him, blasting his gun.

The Sandwich flew into his foot and then his face trying to do some damage. He managed to slip just barely around a fist, and threw another bomb into his chest carving open the batsymbol.



Bateman SMASHED him into the floor with a fist, crunching, and then raised his foot high above him.




Breadman slipped away screaming, and ran out of the room. The cops were rushing into the room from a hall.

"Stop it right there Bruce Wayne!" They shouted. "This is the GCPD! HANDS UP!"



He roared and pulled out a detonator, and fired at them with his gun while pressing in the button, igniting the fuel near the room and blowing half the room and the hall. The cops were blown away by the blast.

Breadman fluttered away through a window and grappeled onto a window and through a room as Bateman followed him down the burning hall.

Breadman entered a laundromat. The bleak white walls and running machines seemed weird. It was very dizzying. He couldn't walk straight.

Bateman burst in through a door.

He had the knife, Breadman leaped into his hand knocking it away, and hit him in the face with an onion-o-rang.

But he didn't notice the gun.

Two loud bangs.

Everything so dizzy. He fell on top of a machine, letting lose his snappel grappel.

It flipped around Bateman's neck. The onion-o-rangs were making the Bateman cry, his face became bright red and he raged and raged trying to pull the rapidly tightening grappel off his neck. He was screaming, Breadman couldn't hear.




Everything was fading. Everything.







He lay there on top of the machine, as Bateman fell to his knees, his face turning purple. He couldn't breath.

Bateman fell flat on his back as a SWAT team rushed in, spraying bullets everywhere around the room.


After a deadly final brawl with Bruce Wayne, the sandwich lay dying on a laundry machine as the swat rushed in blasting the room with bullets.

to be continued in the Breadman Strikes Back.


"CEASE FIRE!" Jordon shouted.

Breadman was laid on a stretcher. They put the sandwich in an ambulance.

"We've gotta save em." A paramedic shouted.

"But he's a fucking sandwich!?" Another shouted.

"SAVE HIM!" Jordon roared.

The first paramedic began pressing down on Breadman, "PUSH PUSH! CPR!", and began giving breath to the little sandwich.

A lot of things ran through Jordan's mind. This was a hero. A true hero. Even though he was a sandwich. Both of them had been around for years, and seen Bruce grow up. Neither had known it would come to this 50 years after his parents were killed. But it had. He had copied Breadman, killed a bunch of criminals, and threatened a woman and a school if the Sandwich retired. Now that her and half the school was dead, Breadman had finally taken him down, hard. He was a hero, no matter what cost.

"LIVE YOU FUCKIN SANDWICH!" He screamed at the little sandwich in the gurney. The three occupants of the back of the vehicle stared at each other. They continued working on saving his life.

They rushed him into the hospital, he was just barely making it.

They took time, and did what they could, and waited to see if he'd make it through. He did.

He woke up, and it was over. He could go back to being a normal, sandwich. He had kids to take care of. He got off the bed, and walked out the next day, not to the Manor, but to a new home in Metropolis. Alfred took on the sandwich mantle.

One day Alfred'o received a phone call. From Jordan who was standing right in front of him.

"Listen somebody just killed the Joker. Named Duality Kent. A woman, a pair of scissors, she pretends to be the daughter of villains and then kills them."

"On it Jordan." Alfred'o the Sandwich took off gliding into the daylight.


to be continued